TWILIGHT VS VAMPIRE SUCK INTERVIEWS!
by sub-ice diamond
Summary: im not telling you! read and find out if your a hater or lover. you will be laughing, of how i act around vampire suck cast and twilight cast.
1. Chapter 1

TWILIGHT VS VAMPIRE SUCK INTERVIEWS!

Chapter 1 Edward vs. Edward?

Me: I wish I own twilight….and vampire suck *cries*

T Edward: which in reality, you will never own in your life! *comes into the room*

Me: you know Edward; it's rude to come to people's house, which I never did invite you.

T Edward: yeah you did.

Me: since when.

T Edward: since this morning, remember you sent me a text, for me to come here duh *pats my head*

Me: oh shut up, that was for the other Edward. Anyway on with the story!

* * *

><p>*Edward Cullen comes in and sits*<p>

Me:" ello dwardo" while eating chips.

T Edward:" hello and its Edward not dwardo".

Me:" so, I cal my sister Maya which isn't her real name, you don't see her correcting me, do you".

T Edward:" because she loves you an-"

Me:" and loves me blah blah, and are family blah blah, can you get tot the point, instead of giving me a stupid speech".

T Edward:" you know it's rude to interrupt me".

Me:" so it's also rude that you stalk Bella, before she found out what you are and letting your sister keep an eye on her 24/7 idiot" throws chips at him.

T Edward:" to keep her safe".

Me:" oh who cares, it's a pattern anyways".

T Edward:" how is it a pattern".

Me:" id don't know, read the book or watch the movie.

T Edward:" but wouldn't it be better to tell me?"

Me:" no, I'm too lazy to tell you, and besides you should know, since your smart and all".

T Edward:"okay"?

Me:" whatever…hey Edward"

T Edward:" what"

Me:" are…you gay? "Reads a book out of nowhere.

T Edward:"WHAT!...why would you say that, never in my life that I'm gay, and where did you get that book from"?

Me:" don't try to change the subject! And from my best friend." Mumbles 'idiot'.

T Edward:" I heard that".

Me:" you were suppose to, and you are gay, end of discussion point and period.

T Edward:" FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GAY!" yells at me.

Me:" yes you are.

T Edward:"NOT!"

Me: "YES!"

T Edward:"NOT!"

Me: "YES!"

T Edward:"NOT!"

Me:' YES!"

T Edward:"NOT!"

Me:" YES YOU DAM ARE! YOU FUCKING BLOODSUCKER!"

T Edward:" you know what, whatever I'm done with this, if you need me I'm going to hunt" runs in vampire speed, out of the room.

Me:" whatever um who's next" looks at clipboard "oh Edward sullen, you can come in now.

V.S.E:"mmmm hello Maria" Edward sullen comes into the room, with an animal in his hands, that were bloody.

Me: um Edward.

V.S.E: yeah Maria, are you alright?"

Me:" yeah, but can I ask you something"

V.S.E:" yeah shoot" sucking the blood of an animal.

Me:" why did you bring a deer in here, and are your hands full of blood" looks at the hands.

V.S.E:" oh I wanted to drink some blood, so I just went for a quick hunt, and it was hard to take down the big male deer" throws the male deer out the window, and went into his pocket and grabs tissue to wipe the blood off "sorry".

Me:" its okay, so how's becca?"

V.S.E:" she's good I'm glad you came to the wedding".

Me:" well I'm honor, to be invited to be your wedding, UN like some people didn't invite me."

V.S.E:" well I'm glad you had fun, and thanks for the bloody wine, it taste real good, where you get it"?

Me:" from my vein! , I just mix the blood with red and white wine."

V.S.E;" oh, well the wine had an amazing taste it's like something I never taste before."

Me:"thank you, I can make you two bottles of it, if you want."

V.S.E:"I would love that thank you Maria, what you call your wine?"

Me:" bloine, mixture of my blood and wine put together and you get blonie."

T Edward:" WHAT!" comes back into the room in full vampire speed "YOU CAN NEVER GIVE A VAMPIRE HUMAN BLOOD, THAT GIVES THEM A REASONTO GO FOR MORE!"

Me:" so, you act like you never taste human blood before, I saw and read it."

V.S.e:" that was to save Bella".

Me:" yeah, then you left her in the woods, then got in trouble with other vampires, and being told to change her, and went thru war with wolves to take down the newborns, finally got married then had sex, that wasn't unprotection, by the way your stupid by not using protection, and had a baby spawn and got in trouble with the same vampires again".

V.S.E:" wow and I thought my movie was too much."

Me:" your movie was funny, especially that seen when daro and you were dancing, and the prom picture that was kind of gay."

V.S.E:" it post to be entertainment for you guys."

T Edward:" oh please you would know what entertainment means."

V.S.E:" well at least I didn't sparkle when I was telling my becca the truth."

T Edward:" oh please, you did sparkle."

Me:"he was wearing a chain, then at the moon like scene when the sun shine he didn't, the only thing saw is his 'new moon', which was funny."

V.s.E:" um I felt embarrassed, when I was naked."

Me:"don't worry about it, BTW you looked good nude" I winked at him.

V.S.E:"thanks" winks back at me.

T Edward:" EW

Me:" oh shut up Edward, and besides I know what happens with you and Bella behind closed doors."

T Edward:" um I uh um" looks embarrassed.

Me:"HA I KNEW IT!"

T Edward:" um I oh look at the time bye" leaves out of the room.

V.S.E:"wow, so Maria the bloine?"

Me:"yeah, ill just give it to becca for the next interview."

V.S.e:"ok, see you tomorrow" leaves.

* * *

><p>an: please give me good reivews, and be nice. next is bella and becca, i had a hard time with her..so yeah i be back!


	2. Chapter 2 bella vs becca

Chapter 2 becca vs. Bella

Me: you say it then.

T Edward: I cant, me don't own the story.

Me: and I don't own twilight, some lady does…. Wait what.

T Edward: you just said it *smiles*

Me: fock you Edward.

T Edward: when and where *comes face to face*

Me: England at 7.

T Edward: I'll be there *leaves*

Me: yeah right in his dream, which will never happen.

* * *

><p>*Bella comes in*<p>

Me: ello mate *talks in a weird accent*

Bella: um hi *sits*

Me: whatz z upz.

Bells: what?

Me: whatz z upz!

Bella: what? I can't understand you!

Me:*looks annoyed* WHATZ Z UPZ!

Bella: um...Can you write it down, since I can't understand you.

Me: OMGZ! *force palm writes down what I said, handing her the paper*.

Bella:*reads the paper* oh! *realize she's and idiot*

Me you're an idiot!

Bella: well I don't speak in that weird language that you speak.

Me:*gasps* you are so mean! And rude! *hits Bella with a steel bat*

Bella: OW! Why did you do that for? *rubs head*

Me: 3 reasons. 1. You deserve it, 2. Your and idiot and mean, and 3. I thought you post to be a shield yourself *hits her again*

Bella: ow, would you please stop.

Me: okay just one more *gets good aim*

Bella: NO! *yells*

Me: fine *puts down bat, starts to text*

Bella: um can you interview me now or I can come back later?

Me: no…just hold on for a second….okay done.*puts phone away*

Bella: who were you texting?

Me: Rebecca crane.

Becca: hi, sorry I'm late *comes in*

Bella: who are you? And I thought I was the one to be interview.

Me: oh to dam bad! You know Bella the world can't reveal around you, it can only reveal around us…I think?

Becca: okay, um Maria, Edward told me you were going to give me the special wine.

Me: oh yeah I can make it now.

Becca: thanks.

Me: your welcome, I only made one thou, I can do the second one now.

Bella: um are you going to start the interview yet.*looks annoyed*

Me: oh hush your dam mouth! And let me do what I do!*pulls out a kitchen knife and cuts her arm and grabs, the white wine bottle, as the blood slowly comes down into the bottle, and poor's a little of red wine inside, closing it up and shakes the bottle, tossing it to becca*

Becca: thanks Maria, keep the changes *gives me a 50 dollar bill*.

Bella: you paid her 20 bucks for a bottle of wine with blood *looks at becca*.

Me: so what's your point?

Bella: my point is you could have got a bottle of red and white wine, and put animal blood, mixing it together.

Becca: but that involves work! Besides I want to cuddle with my Eddie.

Me: she's gotta point; besides when I cash this money in Mexico, I will be rich! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *spins like a slow person*

Bella: how? *turns to toward me*

Me:*force palm* dam for a smart person, you're an idiot. Because in Mexico once you cash it, it becomes more money.

Bella: oh.

Me: idiot, besides your starting to get on my nerves.

Bella: how?

Me: I DON'T KNOW! You act like a retard.

Bella: how am I acting like a retard, when you're the one acting like one! When I first got here I didn't know what you were saying, and all type of shit.

Me: and all type of shit! Oh please! You're doing a bad example to your daughter.

Bella: how?

Me: first! You let her be with an older dude, and you do know she is jail bait? And two he takes steroids and well I don't know.

Becca: wow. Is this almost over?

Me; yeah, I don't feel like talking to you two, see you in the other chapters.*leaves*

* * *

><p>You see! This is why Bella was hard for me to write! There was nothing fun about her!...anyway Jacob and Jacob are next. Peace out people!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3 black vs white

Chapter 3 black vs. white

Me: I don't own anything. Except this story" dances.

Edward: where were you?" comes in.

Me: somewhere, you know for being smart an all, you're a dumbass.

Edward: at least I was on the honor roll.

Me: and your point is?

Edward: I don't know" looks down.

*Jacob comes in*

Me: hello mate!" speaks in sheamus voice.

Jacob B: um hi, why do you sound like a dude?

Me: because I'm sheamus, I'm from Australia mate" falls on the floor and laughs her butt off!

Jacob B: okay are you um, high?

Me: maybe, what? You never had seen a 15 year old girl get high before?" gets off of the floor, and walks back to her seat.

Jacob B: no, I didn't know you take drugs".

Me: stops laughing "no I don't take drugs"

Jacob B: then you smoke?"

Me: HELL TO THE NO!" sits back down.

Jacob B: then how you get high?"

Me: by caffeine, chocolate, pixie sticks, ice cream, any sour candy and I think that's all" looks out of the blue.

Jacob B: what, that's…hypherness (I made the word up… and its mine!)

Me: no its sugar-free highness" swings around her chair like a 2 year old.

Jacob B: um, should I call a mental hospital or, something" looks at me, as the awkwardness occurred.

Me: HELL NO! I don't want any doctors, to tell me stupid things in my life! Same thing with a rapist" shivers at the word.

Jacob B: um, I don't think they have rapist there, but they have a therapist

Me: gets into his face "that's what they want you to think!" I go back to my seat.

Jacob B: um okay?" looks at me like I needed more help.

Jacob W: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!" Jacob white comes in, singing some stupid song. (If you know this song, pm me the name and I just had to put it because it fits the theme, of the chapter)

Me: wow. And I thought I was crazy" looks at the dude who was singing a weird.

Jacob W: hello mate.

Me: hhhheeeyyyoooo mate!

Jacob B: am I even dreaming?" Looking at the two retards… hey!

Me: nope! So shut your dam mouth and sit, besides I need to ask both of you something." Gives them a creepy look.

Jacob's: what?

Me: okay, do you two take steroids, because… is very impossible to see you, two have that body" reads a book out of no where.

Jacob B: WHAT!

Me: do you take steroids?

Jacob B: hell no! I don't take steroids!

Jacob W: I do at times, when I'm to lazy to workout." Shrugs at the truth (Mary-sue: remember kid's steroids are always good for you…

Me: hey! Where the hell you came from? This is my story!*kicks Mary-sue out)

Me: you see! He tells the truth, but you lie" states Jacob.

Jacob B: what? I'm telling the truth! I DON'T USE STEROIDS!

Me: yeah, said the dude who is a rebound guy, and is dating a jail bait little girl" looks up from the book.

Jacob B: UGH!" stomps out of the room.

Me: wow… so does this means, you do take steroids" yells at him, then silence came. Hearing crickets chirping in the background.

Jacob W: so, how about them apples"

Me: wait, I thought we were talking about pie?" becomes confuse.

Jacob W: no it was probably apple.

Me: or apple pie

Jacob W: snaps fingers "I like the way you think"

Me: grabs two apple pies out of nowhere (I'm awesome like that!) "Here you go" gives him the pie.

Jacob W: why thank you" eats the pie fast.

*for me tries to cut the pie with a machete*

Jacob W: as he finishes pie "yum! Oh my gosh its, its…BIG TIME RUSH!" he distracts me, by pointing at some random direction.

Me: huh?" turns away to see big time rush "I don't see… hey, where the hell is my pie?" looks down to see the pie wasn't there anymore.

Jacob W: didn't you eat" he questions me.

Me: no" starts to tear up, like a baby "I WANT MY PIE!"

Jacob W: don't cry, I know who ate your pie." Clams me down.

Me: sniff sniff "then who was it?"

Jacob W: it was does" cuts off by frank crane.

Frank C: Mexican and Canadian vampires, dam those boarder jumpers, they take all our shitty shit, shit and now there taking little girls pies too" comes in the room.

Me: O_O? "What? Where the Carlos you came from?"

Frank C: I was looking for becca, I wanted to see if she has some sugar, that I can burrow" holds up jar.

Me: oh, um, well she is not here.

Frank C: well do you know where she might be?

Me: I don't know" shrugs "probably making vampire babies with Edward sullen I guess".

Frank C: ah! Well I'm goanna go and stop by and say hi" leaves the room.

Me: um, did he just say, he going over to where becca and Edward are?" I look at Jacob.

Jacob W: um yeah…." He said looking back at me.

Jacob & me: EW MENTAL IMAGES!" as we both rubbed our eyes to get the images off, we heard 2 girlish screams out of nowhere.

Me: oh dam.

Jacob W: well I guess they scarred his mind.

Me: he does realize that becca is a vampire now, right?" asked the wolf.

Jacob W: um...I…don't…think so.

Me: face palm!

Jacob W: so now what?" he asked me.

Me: um, I don't know, scobby should be here soon again" I look at the door.

Jacob W: hmmm, I wonder how long he is taking...

Me: yeah, hold on a sec" pulls out her stinky pot, from under the chair "hold this" gives it to other Jacob. Turns into a ghost, jumping into the pot, then comes back out, as I transform to my human form.

Jacob W: what happen? And what's wrong with you?" looking at me, seeing that the fact my face was pale as white paint, including my face in horror.

Me: I….just...Saw…Jacob….

*warning: what you are about to read will make you laugh or scream in a way that I don't know, but it involves of torture, don't say you had me in your nightmare killing Jacob*

*I warn you*

Jacob W: Jacob what?" tries to help me get the words out of my mouth.

Me: he….HE WAS RAPEING BELLA'S DAUGHTER IN BED!" screams in pure horror "NOW THEY JUST RUINED MY LAST COLLEGE YEAR FOR ME! WHICH IM NOT IN COLLEGE YET!

Jacob W: did you stop them, or did they saw you?

Me: they saw me, so pretty much, Jacob is coming here in about…3…2...1" counts down, as a big red wolf burst out the window, as a million pieces scattered on the floor. The wolf came up to me growling at me….he needs a mint "Whoa! Scobby doo needs a mint!"

Jacob B: WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!

Me: BECAUSE YOU WERE NEED IN THIS CHAPTER YOU PERVERT! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAME OF YOURSELF! RAPEING OTHER 13 YEAR OLD GIRLS!"Yells at Jacob.

Jacob B: I WASN'T RAPEING HER!" yelled back at me.

Me: SO WHATS THE POINT!" crossing my arms.

Jacob B: THE POINT SHE IS MY GIRLFRIEND!

Jacob W: and he can do whatever he wants with her" buts in to the argument.

Me: WHO IN THE DAM THING YOU SIDING ON?

Jacob W: I got to say him" points to the rebound boy.

Me: you traitor!" starts to attack him.

Jacob B: well, I guess this means this interview is over" sees a Chihuahua running, and me chasing the dog with a machete.

Me: COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID MUTT!" yells at it.

Jacob B: she needs a year in rehab, and some years in a mental hospital.

Me: yo… what the hell you said Jacob.

Jacob B: looks scared "no…nothing.

Me: no you said I needed help, hello! I don't need help!" chases the two Jacobs, as they yelped for help and pain!


	4. Chapter 4 cullens vs sullens

Chapter 4 Cullen's vs. sullen

Me looking a yoai picture. The Cullen's come in the room.

Carlisle: um Maria, what are you" comes up to me, but was stopped by a flaming entrance, revealing a girl, that has black hair with bloody red highlights with a black leather jacket, and a red tank top, and black jeans, matching boots.

ROXXY: come one step closer, and I will burn your sparkly ass to ash" said the warrior, looking dead straight at the blonde Cullen, with flaming eyes.

Carlisle: oh ok" taking a step back. Putting his hands up, showing he surrender.

ROXXY: good, now you sparkly ass Cullen's sit down, and wait" points to the nine black chairs.

*1 hour later*

Me: okay I'm back! So what I miss" Logs off of the computer. "Oh it's dull and duller" waves at Bella and Edward.

Bella: hey! I and Edward aren't dull and duller!"

Me: yeah you two are, look back at the end of chapter 1 & 2"

They growl.

ROXXY: idiots, my lady after this chapter shall I burn theses non vampires with sub-ice diamond" turns to me, smiling evilly at the Cullen's.

Me: sure, why not besides you got dibs on the slut, pervert dude, and 'I want to suck your blood' boy" I said in my weird accent again. Before the Cullen's can speak, a portal ripped through the floor open, revealing the sullens and sub-ice diamond.

Sub-ice diamond: sorry were late, but one of the sullens had to have a quick hunt my lady"

Me: meh it's alright, as long they didn't bring a dead body"

Jeremiah hides the body with the help of Edward.

Me: never mind, sullens, Cullen's rise! You bloodsuckers" speaking in a weird accent from chapter 2.

Bella: can you please speak English!

Me: shutz z fockz upz!

Edward T: don't talk to my Bella like that!

ROXXY: don't yell at my boss you twit!

Edward T: and if I don't" walks up to ROXXY

ROXXY: oh lets just say, you will regret it" eyes turn to bright bloody red.

Me: hey, I need to use dull for this chapter"

ROXXY: fine, but I want to burn dull and duller" goes back to post.

Sub-ice diamond: no fair!"

Me: sub, what did we discuss"

Sub-ice diamond: that I have to take it easy for the next month and to be calm and cool"

Me: that's right; know go get me a smoothie"

Sub-ice diamond: sure! What kind you want"

Me: meh strawberries with lemon please!"

Sub-ice diamond: okay" leaves as she went into the portal.

Me: now! Let us sit down and start to catch on things!"

The Cullen's and sullens started to sit down on the comfy chairs. ROXXY and I sat on our thrones.

Me: hello becca, Edward how are you today. Hi Alex, irise, Jeremiah, Roslyn and other two sullens that I don't know your names" waving to the sullens as they wave back.

E&B: were good, thank you"

Me: hi dull and duller, hi also blonde bitch, boy on crack, crazy dude, pixie girl, pervert dude and esme"

Cullen's: HEY!

Me: anyway since I have an announcement to make, it involves your daughter, dull and duller.

Bella: and what is the announcement?

Me: that you're so call 'best friend' was raping nessie in my last chapter, and other little girls that are around 13 year olds, and probably raping her again…."

Bella & Edward: WHAT!

Bella: I don't believe you"

Me: want a bet and proof"

Carlisle: now now children calm down, let's see if Maria is telling the truth"

Becca: hey wait, what happen to Jake?" (You know what happen to Jacob, if you don't reread the last chapter...hehehehehe)

Me: oh lets just say. He won't be able to have children" takes out the machete from the last chapter, cleaning the blood off of it with a tissue….

Bella: she could be lying" crossing her arms.

Me: am not! And you're starting to bore me!"

Emmett: just show us Jacob raping nessie!"

Me: fine!"I turn into a ghost form, as ROXXY comes in with the stinky pot. I then go into the pot and then come back with a more horror face.

Carlisle: um Maria are you okay?

Irise: I predict that something bad happen"

ROXXY: NAH REALLY!" Yells with a sarcastic tone "master please respond"

Carlisle: I believe she is traumatize or in shock" touches my hand, that made me jump and out of shock.

Me: DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME PERVERT DUDE! SUB-ICE DIAMOND"" I yelled out for the ice warrior. As a portal appear around the floor, the warrior came out in a fighting stance in front of me. (Don't you just love my mortal kombat oc?)

Sub-ice diamond: touch my boss again and you will die" she said in a very deadly voice.

Carlisle: I'm sorry; I was only trying to help"

Me: this is the last time….I DON'T NEED HELP" (in my fics I can go crazy, since I'm entertaining you readers. But in real life I'm not that crazy)

ROXXY: what the hell is Jacob doing to that boy!" looks into the pot.

Cullen:!

Sullen:?

Me: you see I told you!

Sub-ice diamond: oh my BTR! That's just wrong"

Bella: what's going on?"She yells in union.

Sub-ice diamond: when this lil warrior is out of me, I want to live in the earthrelam" throws the pot back to ROXXY.

ROXXY: I think I'm scarred for my life"

Me: I TOLD YOU! NOW I WONT BE ABLE TO HAVE A GOOD COLLEGE LIFE" goes to emo corner "NOBODY COMES NEAR ME!"

V.s Edward: can we just see what twilight Jacob is doing"

ROXXY: don't say that we warn you" does some kind of trick making the reflection of the inside pot of what Jacob is doing, showing him a 14 year old boy, in bed doing the baby making things" (I am sorry if I got you nightmares)

Sullens: Gross!

V.s. Carlisle: shield your eyes" jumps on his wife.

Me: I WARN YOU!" goes back to the emo corner (e.m.o. stands for Emotional Maria occupied it!).

v.s. Edward: weren't you in the corner?"

Me: I wanted to get a drink of water"

Becca: oh please make him stop!

V.s. Edward: I'll help you my wife!" jumps on becca. (Really? What's with the sullens jumping?)

Me: Sub-ice diamonds ROXXY make him stop, please besides I won't be able to have kids….meh!" goes back to emo corner.

S&R: yes master" as ROXXY raised her arms as a portal appeared. They ran into it then came back with a girl, sub's sword full of blood, dripping on the floor.

Me: Did you?

Sub: Yes

Me: What you

ROXXY: I burned it

Me: Oh good.

Cullen:!

Sullen:?

Me:.

Sub-ice diamond:?

ROXXY: !

ME: !

ROXXY:?

Emmett: would you please stop that!

Me: mean! Well now I guess I should end this chapter"

ROXXY: yeah, besides I have to torture the titans"

Sub-ice diamond: and I have to go back to the bloopers"

Me: and I have to go back to listening to Eminem and writing" phases out the room.

Sub-ice diamond freezes her body as it shatters to the floor making her gone.

ROXXY the opens a portal, and jumps in as it closes. Leaving the sullens and Cullen's alone.


	5. Chapter 5 PUPPIES!

Chapter 5 PUPPIES!

Me: la la la cutty cutty!" cuts someones hair of a knock out Edward Cullen.

Bella: what are you doing to my husband..." as she comes in.

me: nothing!" hides scissors "just cutting you know how random I am, like that"

Bella: then why is my husband here?"

me: simple...ROXXY Blade wanted rape him"

Bella: WHAT! Why that son of a..."

me: language!

Bella: does it matter?!" annoyed.

Me: yes!" disappointed.

* * *

><p>I stare at the wall while in the emo corner. While the pack of wolves or wolfs come<p>

into the room.

Sam: is thi... what are you doing?"

still looking at the corner, not answering..

Paul: is she OK?

Collin: or dead?

Me: how could I be dead if I'm behind you idiots" said it from behind them.

Pack: THE FUCK!" they scream and jump.

Me: I didn't know you boys were part girls... except you Seth, your all man" winks at him.

Seth: um...thanks" looks at me...weirdly.

Me: so now what?"

Sam: aren't you going interview us?

Me: maybe.. maybe not...we have to wait for the other wolves, then the neut... i mean party" smiles innocently at them.

Two Jacobs come in with other dudes follow by others.

Sam: what the hell happen to you?!"

T Jacob: I got kill"

Paul: that's impossible, you transform into a giant wolve and, could hurt a person"

As I keep being Innocent and whistling.

Embry: who did it?

T Jacob: her!" points at me.

Me: what!? You have no proof!

V.S. Jacob: yes you did! You chase us with a machete!" screams at me.

Me: hey! If you haven't side on Jacob. I wouldn't have cut your dog balls flea bag!" yells back at him.

Paul: don't you dare scream at us you puny human!

As Seth still stares at me like I'm his goddess.

(Mary sue: why cant Seth imprint on me! I'll die if he doesn't!" wines.

Me: then die! i don't even know why are you here"

ROXXY Blade shoots an arrow in Mary sue face and kills her. "i love being a bad-ass!)

Sam: oh gosh Seth..." shakes him "no! my slave.. I mean pack has imprinted someone else!"

me:...AWESOME!"cheers as sparkles and glitter comes down out of nowhere.

V.S. 1.w: is she ok?

V.S. Jacob: ok isn't the right word"

T Jacob: he is right, she needs mental help!

Me: I DONT NEED HELP!

Seth: I believe you my love!" hugs me.

Sam: Seth! Don't hug her!

Seth: she is mine Sam!

Me: oh Seth... can you lets go of me now? I cant brea..."turns blue.

V.S. Jacob: I thought you said you were half dead?

Me: I am. But I still breath.

Seth: sorry love" lets go of me.

Me: you don't have call me love..., you can call me master since you are now part if my army!

Seth: yes master" bows.

Sam: no Seth come back as my sl... member!

Paul: yes, Seth she isn't worth it!

Me: you just want use Seth Sam

V.S. 2 W: shes right, you keep saying slave

Sam: no I wasn't!" yells at other pack member.

V.S. 1 W: don't yell at my pack member you flea bag!

Same: I can if I want to!

Of out of nowhere wearing a ref outfit "alright I want a nice clean fight, no blood... well maybe a little not that much"

Paul: wait were fighting?

Seth: shall I fight my love?" he looks at me.

Me: nah, you stay and be my knight and shiny armor...dog"

Paul: so we are fighting?

V.S. 3 W: I believe so" he shrugs.

Me: you know what... this is getting nowhere" pulling out my stinky pot, I grabbed a hockey mask and a machete. "what time is it? ITS MURDERING TIME!"

T Jacob: wait what?!" sees me putting on the hockey mask and starts running to them. "RUN!"

as if on cue the other noobs saw me waving a blood cover machete to them.

Sam: RUN AWAY MURDER!" him and the pack began to change wolfs or wolves (does it matter?) and began to ran as the other pack turn into chihuahuas and started to flee.

* * *

><p>Edward: so your ending it early?<p>

Me: yes, is there a problem?

Edward: yes! I thought you would have 4 or 6 pages of this by now, but 2? really?

Me: hey! My imagination is like a heart rate. It always goes to a flat line so yeah, plus the jacobs are no fun to kill anymore*pouts* but the next chapter is with the voultori or whatever you say it! Is next.

note: this is a special birthday gift to you readers!


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